Recent Journal Entries
2008•05•05 ~ grounded...
Feet on the ground. Loads of work to do. I have so much to learn. The sweetness is inside silence. The joy can be silent. It’s okay. Not everyone gets it. Not a win; but recognition. Winning has nothing to do with this. Story-telling, yes. Winning? No. Feet on the ground. So much to learn...about humility, ego, silence...
Emile
“I have no doubt in my mind, addled by wine as it is, that god is a human invention.” Emile gives his glass another swirl on the wooden bar, watches the legs wash up the inside of the bowl, then looks up to meet Martina’s eyes. “We invented god, and now he’s got to go. It’s time we grew up.”
“I have no doubt in my mind that you are too much with the wine,” she says.
“I’m drunk only on your beauty,” he says. He stops. Finds her eyes. “Tired lines like that do you a disservice, Martina. I apologize. Perhaps I am too much with the wine.” It’s the kindness in her face that has kept him coming back to this café for the past few years. There seems to be a built-in compassion – an acceptance of anything he might have to say. Her eyes are hazel. Her eyes seem to listen – as if they can follow the words in the air. Emile shakes his head – watches her pour beer at the end of the bar. Her hair is pulled into a thick chestnut ponytail. She has a grey sweater under her white apron. The sweater is unraveling a bit at the back, along the bottom. It must be a favourite sweater, he thinks. He has no idea what the landscape under that sweater might look like and this is part of Marina’s beauty. The sweater makes a mystery. Or in the heat of summer, a baggy T-shirt makes a mystery. More than once, he has heard other customers use the phrase; Avoir du monde au balcon in reference to Martina’s breasts. But he does not really care how crowded her balcony is. Emile does not know if, in fact, she is kind. Any appearance of kindness is untested. She has been a good listener though, and there is kindness in this.
If only I had a euro for every proposition, proclamation of beauty, or pass, Martina thinks. But this guy…has a damaged charm she finds interesting. And he’s tall. He’s taller than she is, which makes him rare, and attractive in her eyes. She’s six-feet. He must be six-two. It’s not much but she will not be with a man shorter than herself. This is one of her rules. He is not wearing a wedding ring but for Martina, it would not matter if he was. In fact, he would be more attractive if he was. She does not acknowledge it, but she is attracted to unavailable men. There is safety in this condition. He has never mentioned a woman. Occasionally, he has spoken about love. Or asked pointedly, what it was women wanted, to which Martina had no answer. She barely knows what she wants. Half the time she has no idea why she moves toward a particular man. In her 35 years, she’d not kept anyone around for longer than ten months.
Martina does not care about hair. However, men who attempt to cover it up, disguise it, or solve it, she finds annoying. Men who lose their hair with grace – this, she finds very sexy. Emile is such a man. He’s thinning but seems not to care. His hair at the front, is wistful. He wears glasses that seem a throw-back to the 30s of 40s, gold-coloured wire-rimmed glasses that hook around his ears. She remembers seeing his glasses sitting on a pile of papers, him rubbing his eyes. She remembers thinking the guy must work hard. She has no idea what he does. Though, she thought she saw a gun once, behind his hip on the left. She dismissed it as wild imagination – it was probably a cell phone clipped to his waist.
“We’re alone,” Emile says. He sighs. “We look up into the sky at night, and we feel terribly alone. This is the reason we invented god. At least, it’s the reason our gods are still around. In the beginning, I’m sure we were trying to explain the weather, or why volcanoes erupted, or why hunting expeditions failed. But now? Now, religion only holds us back. If we are to evolve as a species, religion must be punted to the wayside. It explains nothing – is based in nothing but fear and loneliness.”
“But what about faith?” she says. “What about ritual and holiness?” She deftly removes his wine glass and slides a clean glass into place – then half-fills the new glass with red. This wine is my blood, she thinks, then smiles.
“We do not need religion to have rituals. We can be holy about all the things that place us in a state of awe or wonder. Things like beauty. Art. Poetry. Music. A child’s laughter. Love. These are the things we should find holy. This is where holiness lives.”
“And faith?”
“We should have faith in each other.”
“Not always an easy thing.”
“Well, I have faith in your kindness, in your compassion, in the way you listen with your eyes.”
“Faith?”
“Yes, though I have never witnessed an overt act of kindness, or compassion, I have faith that you possess these qualities, based on nothing but my observations of you.”
“Sometimes faith is misplaced, misguided, wrong – is it not?”
“Oh, now you’re turning me on.”
Oh my. There’s the line, she thinks. It’s dangerous because she’s engaged and enjoying herself. They have danced toward the line, and now it’s there, in plain view – easy enough to cross. She’s very interested in pushing across this line with Emile but she hesitates. He must recognize this because he pulls back from it. He stands up, places too much money on the bar and gathers his bag.
“Until next time, Martina. I will continue to hold my faith in you.” And then he’s on the street; Emile, thick with wine, part of the human landscape of Paris at night.
“Bonsoir, Emile,” she whispers to the nearly empty café.
2008•05•02 ~ Doubleday US scoops "Columbus at 4A.M.!!!
This little note appeared in the Publisher’s Marketplace on May 1, 2008.
FICTION: GENERAL/OTHER
Thomas Trofimuk's COLUMBUS AT 4 A.M., where a man in a Spanish mental institution, convinced he is Christopher Columbus, unfolds a tale of adventure and passion that draws ever closer to the trauma that turned him away from the present, to Alison Callahan at Doubleday, in a good deal, in a pre-empt, for publication in fall 2009, by Hilary McMahon at Westwood Creative Artists (US).
So, Columbus at 4AM is going to the US! Two weeks ago I was a worried mess. I thought the book might be too dark, too complex, too strange…I was filled with doubt. Today, I’m excited to be working with a stellar Canadian editor and an outstanding US editor on this book!
If you’re in Edmonton, the Raving Poets band is backing up Mr. Mark Kozub this Saturday (MAY 3rd) at Chapters on Whyte Ave., 3-5 p.m. as he promotes his latest novel: “The Uptown Browns” (Dramatic Situations). Following his reading, there’ll be an hour-long open stage with the Raving Poets band. This should be oh so much fun!!!! Come on down.
2008•04•29 ~ The "Emile riffs" and Kozub's "Uptown Browns" hits Chapters
I’ve taken some time off from the Columbus at 4AM book while the dust settles on the book deal and it’s been really beneficial. I started back in today – the writing and the vision is refreshed, the well is full, and it was a good day of writing. The dust isn’t completely settled yet. Oh, let’s switch metaphors: There are still balls in the air. The juggling is going okay but we just don’t know if all the balls are going to land. We’re hoping a few of the balls are snatched away before they come full circle. I try not to think about these amazing, brilliant opportunities. Just let the book fend for itself. Nothing I can do but hope and drink wine, and sip whisky, work in the garden, listen to the siskins…and write…
It felt good to write again. That discipline of 1,000-1,500 words a day is an addictive thing. I’m working on something I call the “Emile riffs,” a group of riffs about and around a character in the novel named Emile, who right now, in my opinion, is fascinating, but underdeveloped. So, I’m fleshing him out. Seeing where he’s been, where he’d like to go, what his life is like…
On a local note: No Raving Poets this Wednesday. But the Raving Poets band is backing up Mr. Mark Kozub this Saturday (MAY 3rd) at Chapters on Whyte Ave., 3-5 p.m. as he promotes his latest novel: “The Uptown Browns” (Dramatic Situations). Following his reading, there’ll be an hour-long open stage with the Raving Poets band.
2008•04•25 ~ Columbus at 4a.m.
Ohis just in. Mary Pinkoski wins the National CBC Poetry Face-off title! She brings it home! She is the national champion, the so-called "People's choice!." The Raving Poets Band is proud to have been part of this recording, proud to have been part of the selection process. MAN, we grow GREAT poets/writers!!!!! C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S!!!!!! MARY!!
Okay, I’ve almost calmed down about the book. Yesterday, I opened up draft 40 of Columbus at 4AM and read the last ten pages of the book. I wanted to see if the thing was any good. I’ve been away from it for a while now and…well, there were passages I do not remember writing. I dug it, loved it actually. It’s pretty damned good. And writers should love what they write. The characters, the story, everything. You’re going to be with them for a long, long time…Oh, “Columbus” will be changing in the coming months. I’m sure Lara at M&S will have some ideas on how to make this a better book. Hell, I have some ideas on how to make it a better book. But here’s the thing: I love the whole process! The editing, the re-drafting, taking it apart, weaving it back together…I love all this. I love talking to my agent, Hilary M., too. She is a source of pure anxiety, excited stress, glee, joy and just general giddiness. This is a period of really huge opportunity -- the possibilities are massive -- and I am so glad she's on my team. She’s out there doing what she does so well. I actually don’t even care if she’s calling with good news, or not-so-good news. She’s one of my favourite people on the planet.
Here’s what all the fuss is about:
Deals: April 17, 2008
McClelland & Stewart executive editor Lara Hinchberger has acquired Canadian rights to Thomas Trofimuk’s Columbus at 4 a.m. The novel is set in present-day Canada and Seville, Spain, where a man arrives at a psychiatric institution convinced he is Christopher Columbus.
2008•04•18 ~ This just in: From Quill and Quire
COLUMBUS at 4A.M. is sold!!! THE cat is out of the bag! The cat is out of the bag and running around like a hopped-up, sugar-injected three-year old! This cat is not even walking on the ground yet!!! It’s official! I am beyond happy. This little blurb appeared in Quill and Quire today….
Deals: April 17, 2008
McClelland & Stewart executive editor Lara Hinchberger has acquired Canadian rights to Thomas Trofimuk’s Columbus at 4 a.m. The novel is set in present-day Canada and Seville, Spain, where a man arrives at a psychiatric institution convinced he is Christopher Columbus.
Hey! I took the garden hose out already!!! I’ve never complained about the weather and I’m not going to start now. A complete and monumental waste of time to complain about something out of your control. This April SNOW (upper case letters well deserved) is awesome! White rain. Soft hail. Sifted cold. This snow is a beautiful way to rain. It delays that orgasm of green that arrives with spring but so much the better for the delay….the pleasures of green withheld! The background, unconscious fear that this is it; no more summer, no more spring, a new ice age.
NOTE TO the elderly woman in Bonnie Doon mall last weekend, who was shouting loudly about the government: “They’re spending too much money on the war in Pakistan!!!!” Number one: It’s Afghanistan. I know all those “…stans” sound the same but there are Canadians dying over there – Don’t you think you ought to know where? Number two: Being old is no excuse for being stupid, or rude. You’re an idiot.
Older Entries:
- 2008•04•16 ~ Emerald Lake, early April...
- 2008•04•13 ~ humbled... {4}
- 2008•04•08 ~ Literary news...
- 2008•03•27 ~ Zahra at Rest {3}
- 2008•03•20 ~ something for Stu {1}
- 2008•03•18 ~ A message from the Dalai Lama: {2}
- 2008•03•17 ~ A note to God {2}
- 2008•03•13 ~ Tania's Book Club {4}
- 2008•03•06 ~ No wonder not everybody is up to it {2}
- 2008•03•03 ~ Raving Poets kick it out for eighth great year!!!
- 0000•00•00 ~ Complete Journal Archives
