Columbus comes to life...in a sort of frightening way
September 3, 2009
Hola! Hola! My name is Columbus – Christopher Columbus. I’m going to be taking over this blog space on Trofimuk’s web space for the next couple months. Trofimuk is tired. He’s gone for a little rest in an institute where Valium is on the breakfast menu, and lunch and dinner. He doesn’t really have anything to say anyway. The guy is basically an idiot with only an occasional bright spot. So, starting on September 15th, I’ll file a report here every day. And I’ll keep going until October 24th. And, because Trofimuk thinks Twitter is stupid, I’ll file a TWEET every day of the tour, which starts September 15th in Toronto. Have you bought Waiting for Columbus yet? Have you bought one for your mom? Have you bought a copy for your wife? Your mistress? Your Aunt Beth in Idaho? Your Uncle Bruce in Florida? Your ex-wife in Vancouver? Your former therapist who now lives in Mossbank Saskatchewan?
Anyway, this is just a note to let you know that things are going to change around h….
—…Dude, I’m not gone yet.
—Oh, ladies and germs, it’s Mr. Thomas Trofimuk. Mister I-got-a-great-review-in-the Globe & Mail Trofimuk!!! Oh, bow down, bow down. It’s Mister Fancy pants…
—…Very funny, Columbus. What are you doing?
—I’m letting people know that I’m taking over on September 15th.
—But I created you, Columbus. You’re not real. You can’t take over.
—I’m a round character, flushed out completely. Complex, flawed and damaged but “whole” in a sort of fictional sense. Of course I can take over. You know you want a rest.
—Can we talk about this in private, please.
—Oh you’re just going to repress me and not deal with me!!! Help! Help!! I’m going to be repressed!!! Help!!!
—I won’t repress you.
—Yes you will. You hate conflict. You hate confrontation. HELP!!!! I’m with a repressor!!! I’m being REPRESSED!!!! Somebody call 9-1-1!!! Help!!!!
—Oh for Christ’s sake. Okay. Okay. You can file some blogs. Okay?
—Si…but you’re still a repressor.
—What did you say?
—Nothing.
—Yes you did.
—You’re hearing things.
—Columbus, we’re done here.
—Si.
Laurie Greenwood’s reviews of Waiting for Columbus, on CBC, and GLOBAL TV, were wonderful!!! We love Laurie Greenwood. Laurie has been, and continues to be, an ardent supporter of writers and writing in this community. See: Laurie’s Book Company and listen to the the review.
7 Comments
1. Ruby had this to say: Sep 03, 2009 ~ 13:22 ~ #
Hey Chris! I just wanted to tell you I was/am thrilled at your work in Thomas’s book. Being “a character” myself, it was a relief to see you dealing with the pressures of navigation in such a familiar and, let’s be honest here, healthy way. I usually skip right to the end to figure out if a book is worth reading. With this one though, I felt your dread of recovery so cleanly that I broke my steadfast rule and ploughed through the thing in two days. Got to the end “like a real person”. My bar in Jasper is always open to you. If you care to pull up a chair, we can talk about the book.
2. Mary had this to say: Sep 03, 2009 ~ 13:38 ~ #
Is this a dream? I feel like I might be dreaming…
3. Thomas had this to say: Sep 03, 2009 ~ 13:50 ~ #
Sí, Ruby, ¡Es siempre bueno befriend a las mujeres que poseen barras! Caeré adentro para una bebida, sólo si usted tiene la bebida escocesa, o vino, o la cerveza…
Sí, Maria, ésta es un sueño. Por supuesto, esto es un sueño. No despierte. Trofimuk está durmiendo así que puedo jugar en su computadora hasta que vuelvan a casa las ovejas.
C.C.
4. Ruby had this to say: Sep 03, 2009 ~ 17:53 ~ #
en cualquier momento, si la bebida escocesa, o vino, o la cerveza. R
5. Mary had this to say: Sep 04, 2009 ~ 13:24 ~ #
why can’t i stop dreaming about you CC?
6. Ruby had this to say: Sep 04, 2009 ~ 18:17 ~ #
Hey Mary, we haven’t been properly introduced, my name is Ruby Cailloux by the way. Since we are both here, I hope you won’t mind me butting in a bit. Listen , the deal with C.C., all the dreaming? It’s because the Chris meister is what you love the most about yourself. He brings out the best in us. We are beings who lean to the light when given the opportunity, like any crazy sunflower has the wits to do, right? We, at our best, love. Chris allows that, he allows us to love and to be-loved. As broken as the guy is, is as strong as he is. He is what we are made to love: us, ourselves, frail and fragile and so utterly perfect as to make Jésus weep. Right. Enough said there, care for a glass? Over and out, Ruby
7. mary had this to say: Sep 07, 2009 ~ 16:51 ~ #
Good gracious. I suppose I would care for a glass, if you promise not to keep referencing the weeping of Jesus. Over and out?, Mary